The Bionic Salesman
A Journey around Thailand
Koh Phangan
The Wiki tells me that the monthly full moon parties on Koh Phangan’s Haad Rin Beach started in 1985 and grew quickly, to the point now where they routinely draw in as many as 30,000 revellers.
The party has got so big that it has spawned dozens of imitators, advertised on sign boards all over southern Thailand… the No Moon Party, the Half Moon Party, and my personal favourite, the “Ample Moon Party” (which presumably comes somewhere between half moon and full moon). But the full moon bash is still the original and best.
I was a bit late for me, not just because the party doesn’t really get going until midnight, but also because I am at the time of life where a full night’s sleep is just so much more appealing than a night of semi-naked gyration and waiting for the sun to rise.
So I skipped the party but bought the video of the party. I took in a pre-party party on Koh Samui, then went to bed, got up the next day and rode the ferry to Phangan to see what it’s like when all the island has a sore head.
At the pre-party party, a giant speedboat with three offensively large outboard engines waited offshore as the music played loud and the barman taught some tattooed kid to juggle bottles. Someone launched a clutch of fireworks that bounced like Wabobas in the bay.
And that was about all of the excitement. There weren’t many people. Someone said the real pre-party party had moved on down the beach somewhere. The moon looked like a peephole in the sky for the light to burst through. I went to bed.
The next day, as I went to take the Phangan ferry, I caught sight of my first ex-reveller. He looked like a rag doll thrown against the wall of 7-Eleven, a fluorescent scrawl painted across his chest, (a layer of tattoos beneath that), sleepless, unblinking eyes like buttons staring into the middle distance.
On Phangan there was more life. I had lunch in a restaurant that served up a great line in comfort food and hangover TV. After years of empirical research, the shopkeepers of Phangan have established without question that hangover TV consists of The Simpsons, The Family Guy and, above all, Friends, which was playing separately in various different joints that day and was playing again in a different restaurant when I went back the next day.
So, Phoebe sang Smelly Cat as I ate my spaghetti bolognese on that first day and the moonies emerged for their breakfast, still painted day-glo, and arranged themselves in front of the television.
Up and down the alleys by the beach, the talk was entirely limited to facts and statistics. Just got up? When did you crash? Any sleep at all? I got less. Anyone seen Casper? Poor Casper. Off his face and then some.
I wandered around for a while, found a few new Waboba retailers, photographed the signs advertising laughing gas, then sat myself down on the legendary Haad Rin Beach.
Much later, at home, I watched the video of the party. An enterprising fellow makes a video every month and distributes it to the local minimarts. The video showed various ferries coming and going, then a burning sign saying “Full Moon Party”, then endless footage of beautiful people, stripped to the essentials, dancing ostentatiously and making V-signs at the camera.
This is great, I thought. I’ve been there, hung out, seen it, bought the T-shirt, without losing even a moment’s sleep. Now, where do I buy my stick-on tattoo?
The Waboba Extreme Ball is now available in three minimarts in Haad Rin – Yam Supermarket, Black and White and Jaluk Super.
